i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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