Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
