I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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