Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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