naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
