My cat gives me a boner
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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