so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
