well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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