How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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