No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
