I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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