I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we should paint friendship bongs
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