Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize