Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize