Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
