I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
