I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
