I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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