Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
