sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My cat gives me a boner
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
