Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
