didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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