For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
