Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
