You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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