No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They took my balls.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
