What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
