the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
