Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
