Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize