there's paper in my vomit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
