I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if only i could text you this smell
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
