I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
