Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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