over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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