Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
