GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
