I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
