Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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