you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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