hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
