You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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