Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
