she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
