im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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