So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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