Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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