Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
