I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And then he peed in my hair
Two words: nipple clamps
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