Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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