You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize