got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
