I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
