well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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