I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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