# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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