I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
