Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
