I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize