Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
