Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
