Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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