These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
