I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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