I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
