Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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