I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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