shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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