I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
