Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
