i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize